It might not surprise you to know that as a relationship guide, folks are always talking about sex around me-how to get it, when to turn up the heat, and what moves lead to a mind-blowing orgasm. However, very few couples past a certain point in their relationship are actually having consistent sex, let alone good sex. It’s time for me to come from behind my closed door and start talking more about sex with you. Sexploration with your favorite therapist begins now.
Most people aren’t aware that “non-sexual couple” is an official term that’s used to describe couples who experience sexual intimacy fewer than ten times per year. Several surveys conducted over the last three decades revealed that approximately 20% or one in five married couples are in a non-sexual relationship. One in three non-married couples that have been together two years or longer have a non-sexual relationship. The numbers aren’t lying. These couples didn’t initially choose to practice abstinence together. In most cases, good or frequent sex was once a part of their relationship. Somehow, a sexual divide developed over time. For many, the reasons are hard to explain without help; especially to each other.
While you may be having sex more than 10 times per year, your ears might be perked up at this point. Having sex 1-2 times per month (12-24 times per year) may technically disqualify you from being a non-sexual couple but it doesn’t disqualify you from being sexually unfulfilled. For some couples, it’s complicated. Work is going well, the bills are getting paid, the children are cared for, date nights are occurring, and vacations are taken. Where. Is. The. Sex?
I’ll give you a hint. It’s blocked by small injuries that occur early and leave bruises on the sexual bond over time. Poor communication, differing expectations, stress, exhaustion, physical and financial problems, and the deterioration of trust and desire are just a handful of common issues that create wounds in our sexual relationships. Some partners see the wounds forming and do their best to patch things up in the moment in hopes of moving forward, while others are unaware that an injury even occurred in another area of the relationship that will ultimately impact their sexual connection. In therapy I help couples see what wounds haven’t healed and provide them with the proper tools for removing the bandage and clearing away the scar tissue. In the following weeks I’d like to chat with you about some of the topics that create wounds that usually need stitches in place of bandages in order to heal properly:
-Why male and female arousal becomes a challenge over time
-The truth about male erection and ejaculation past the age of 25
-Female pleasure and orgasm: How the quest should begin before you hit the bedroom
-Vanilla vs. Neapolitan Sex: Missionary, oral, anal, toys, porn, and more
-Sex-starved relationships and affairs
-Keys to enjoying sex with a sexual trauma survivor
We have a lot to discuss, so stay tuned and be prepared to jump in when you have questions or comments. Looking forward to the journey!